Equator Crossing Ceremony
Written and officiated
by Amelia Marjory
on 5/8/2022
N 0° W 127.44°
*Ceremony commenced with an opening prayer by the mighty and majestic Captain, Mrs. Mary Grace Stitch.
*Followed by this heretofore nautical declaration, delivered by Amelia Marjory:
“Together, we’ve traversed 2200 nautical miles of open ocean to this pivotal waypoint. Personally, you’ve navigated the perilous passage of your entire lifetime to get here. And, while each mile and moment of your lives has offered the opportunity to experience the edifying nature of presence, some experiences are magnified by the momentum of our natural environment.
Midway between the axis points on which our earth spins, the equator marks a band of accelerated rotational speed. The added velocity reduces the fuel needed to launch a spacecraft, a headsail, a skinny-dipping diver, a prayer, a wish, or a sacrificial seed of intention.
For centuries, the equator has represented an initiatory threshold. Mythologically, it is the threshold of Neptune’s kingdom. Depending on which land you hail from, however, Neptune may be known as Samundra, Mazu, Ebisu, Sumiyoshi sanjin, Anahita, Yemanja, Lir, Njord, Vellamo, Amphitrite, Poseidon, Kaneloa, or Tengeroa. All are cultural representations of the ocean’s exalted power and mystic. And, therefore, the equator is the geographical foyer of the holy aquatic sanctum.
Adopted by mariners of myriad beliefs and decrees, the modern day iteration of an equatorial crossing ceremony is comprised of toils and games and mockery and, most notably, a healthy amount of hazing. While the importance of play should not be allayed, let us not bypass the opportunity to tap into the bioaccumulated forcefield of this geographical phenomenon that’s been fed by innumerable intentional rituals.
There’s a reason our planet has an equator. There’s a reason this elemental signature has been historically and cross-culturally revered. And there’s a reason that, still today, it’s highly respected by those that so intimately commune with the glorious and humbling nature of the sea. And, there’s a reason you, a seafaring pollywog, have found yourself upon it today.
For, the equator is where every current, convection, migration, and molecule in earth’s circulation converges into the bandwidth of our existence. Every moment of your life, every choice born of free will and magnetic draw of your destiny manifests on this very line. It’s where the paths of our past and the horizons of our future collide in the pure potential of presence. And, all ingredients combined is what’s brought you here today.
Yes. Once upon a time in the cosmic womb of eternity, it was seeded into the cellular composition of your being that one day, one fine, fine day in May, you would undergo the radical transformation from pollywog to shellback.
Many celestial souls have waited eons for such a resplendent upgrade. But, due to your impeccable and commendable exemplification of living in harmonious right-relations with yourself, your fellow human beings, the four leggeds and winged ones and beloved creatures of the sea, you have been bumped to the top of the list!
Yes. Your time has come.
So, now, I ask of you…
Are you ready? Are you ready to receive this badge of honor and cellular upgrade as the velocity of this elevated equatorial energy launches you into the next best better reality of shellback life here on earth?
(Ask each person)
Splendid! But first, you must complete the holy trinity of initiations!
1) Motion if the Ocean Initiation
Firstly, you must don the regalia of Neptune’s official synchronized swimming dance team and pay tribute to the mermen and mermaids that have come before you by jigging a little jig. *If your moves are approved and furthermore found appealing, they may even be incorporated into the Aquatic Aerobics Dance Hour of Power routine.
(Blast James Brown and commence 30 seconds of solo dancing to funk music… )
2) Truth Serum Initiation
Truth be told
Honesty is gold
Whereas lies get you shoaled
They’re shallow and prone to mold
In the realm of the sea
Only truth comes to be
And so entertaining fallacy
Is a zero tolerance policy
To test your integrity’s girth
And to ensure your worth
A serum of truth and mirth
Shall purify your bodily berth
Dose-e-doe
True colors will show
If your pollywog fellow
Is friend or foe!
Stand a beam’s length apart
Make eye contact to start
Like Cupid’s intoxicating dart
Broke da mouth, not the heart
(Shots of alcohol administered via water gun into each other’s mouths)
3) Lock of Hair Harvest Initiation
Now, the third and final deed is a signing of our creed. However, as the rulers of ink are preoccupied with international peace treaties, the octopus clan has requested you sign by the hair of your chinny chin chin. And since none of y’all got hair on your chinny chin chin, a specimen must be procured from elsewhere on your shiny shaved pollywog skins. By offering a lock, you’ll unlock the secrets of the seas. And when cast upon the breeze, it shall be warmly received as a proclamation of your authentic presence here and now and eternal allegiance to living in right relations with the elemental forces of nature within and around you.
And now… the act that shall catalyze your metamorphosis from pollywog to shellback, the consecration of your cellular upgrade that shall activate and employ your superpowers within the allegiance of honorary ocean ambassadors and for the greatest good of all involved, you must partake of the transubstantiating nature of the holy bubbly sacrament!
Champagne for Neptune, the newly knighted, and all the ocean the homies…”
For a more thorough rundown of our equator crossing ceremony, Mary Grace has divulged all the juicy details here: https://hh55tickettoride.com/
