Being Human
Most of the time, I’m grateful to be a human. I’m grateful for the need to eat. I’m grateful for the experience of enjoying my food, for the privilege of savoring each bite rather than scavenging for it. I’m grateful for the capacity to tune into my body, to choose what and how and when I nourish it. I’m grateful to merge awareness with experience, to be consciously alive.
Sometimes, however, it’s hard being human. It’s challenging to navigate the rules of society and the laws of physics, to feel confined in form, to be present amidst all the distraction.
There’s a lot of bullshit that humans have to deal with. Sometimes I look at animals or plants with envy. Do they worry about the future or feel defined by their past? Do they succumb to distraction and allow themselves to be pulled from the potency of the present moment? Does nature struggle with the complexities of the human mind?
As an eternally curious being, I’m always asking questions. Perhaps that’s why I get caught up in the complexities of the human mind? I can’t assume this is a collective human symptom; I can only claim it as my own constitutional reality. Thankfully, by now I’ve learned to recognize when I’m getting caught up in thoughts, in stories, in mental dynamics that are more etheric than material. That’s the human struggle, for me at least. When I allow my mind to run, it takes me away from here. And thus starts the downward spiral that eventually leads to feeling confused, disconnected, depressed, disoriented.
But, it’s all a part of the process. Whenever I’m feeling “out of sorts,” I look to nature. Nature always reflects to me an eternal truth or two. In this case, nature shows me the truth of phases, of cycles, of seasons. To everything there is a season. And each season serves a purpose— if nothing else, then for the sake of duality and perspective. For, without winter, we wouldn’t know the sweetness of spring. So, when I’m feeling confused or disconnected or depressed, I remember that it’s only in the resolve of these feelings that I can savor the relief of clarity, of connection, of joy. Disorientation is but a step in the process before finding a sense of direction.
Perhaps one day I won’t need the perspective of polarity to help me find my orientation. Perhaps one day I will know north without the context of south, east, and west. Perhaps, one day, I will be able to acknowledge something for what it is without the understanding of what it’s not.
But maybe duality is what I signed up for when I chose to be a human. Because, this far, being human seems to be a multi-layered, multi-faceted, multi-dimensional experience— a little bit of everything. And the discovery of each layer, facet, dimension makes the others even more precious. Because each one makes the other make more sense. Does that make sense?
Once upon a time I got attached (and borderline addicted) to the pursuit of happiness. I followed my joy and WOW did it take me to beautiful places. I’ll stand by the effectiveness of that pursuit any day. But the downfall of that pursuit was an acquired disdain for sadness, for depression, for discomfort. I avoided those feelings at all cost. I ignored and suppressed and skirted around them. Which was okay, it just meant that I was missing out on part of the dynamic human experience. Because it turns out these feelings serve a purpose— like everything currently in existence. I believe that everything in existence is information, data points, if you will. And I believe that the diversity of data points, of emotions, of feelings, of nature offers perspective. And perspective is relevant to the scope of our understanding. So each facet of life is an opportunity to explore, to collect information, to know something different, to expand our perspective. In even simpler terms, each facet is what it is: one side of something many-sided (Oxford Languages Dictionary). The seasons, the weather, the elements are all expressions of nature. Emotions are expressions of energy. One is not better or worse than another. They’re all an integral ingredient of the whole earthly experience.
The silver lining, or caveat to the equation, is that we, as humans, have free will and choice. We can choose to live in the tropics and curtail the cold (guilty!). We can choose a sweet fluffy treat or a salty crunchy snack (*I acknowledge that I’m a fortunate, privileged woman with the luxury of such choices). We can choose to be happy or sad. We can choose to entertain an energy or disengage with it. The trick is to see it for what it is and not attach to it. Because, like cycles in nature, it’s impermanent and likely to change.
Once upon a time, in the throws of grief, my father said to me, “I promise, boo, this too shall pass.” And it sure did. It always does. Energy is always pulsing through us— energies of different frequencies and wavelengths and origins. When we attach ourselves to them, or identify with them in the context of our lives, they become our emotions. And then the mind tries to make sense of it all, because that’s what it does. But when we just recognize an emotion for what it is, like recognizing winter for what it is (cold, dark, quiet, spacious, reflective), and honor it for being an integral phase in the greater cycle, it becomes easier to let it pass on through without getting wrapped up in a story or trying to run from it or change it or figure it out. It’s already figured out. It is what it is.
And the moment I recognize it for what it is, the moment I use my mind for it’s intended purpose (deciphering and discerning), then I start to regain my sanity. I come back to who I am and what I am and where I am. I reconnect to my human existence here on earth and find orientation in the greater scope of everything that’s churning within and orbiting around me.
Most of the time I’m brimming with gratitude for my human existence. It’s rich and dynamic and complex. Sometimes, though, it’s incredibly challenging to be a human. But when it get’s challenging, I bring it back to basics and remember it is what it is. It’s life! So I may as well stop thinking about it and fucking live it.
